So we're back and you never know what may happen.....
ORIGINAL BLOG POSTS HERE (imagine an arrow pointing down to where it says 'Recent Work')
original fence posts here ( http://disused-rlys.fotopic.net/p27952810.html )
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Saturday, November 18, 2006
A message from Kent Freeman
Isn't Fluxus really great!
I mean really, really great.
In the not so distant future intend to post some articles (all (C) Kent Freeman and originally published by the Nothing Else Press as giveaways for thew Kellog Co.), including "13 FluxusWaste Ideas" and "Stuff About Just How Really Great Fluxus Is" and More Stuff ABout Just How Really Great Fluxus Is."
N.B. Every Saturday Afternoon in December, on the border of Denmark andSweden there will be a Fluxus Top Trumps competition between myself, Kent Freeman and my arch-enemy the evil Doctor Heinrich Henderson.
See you there!
Kent Freeman Doc. PdF. Avi.(hons)
T.V. Putter - Putter Enflamed with Love for Chiquita at the Shrine of Tan Jereen
An Essay on Exceptual Art
This is not an essay on Exceptual Art. It is not written on a piece of Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.). This page is, if you are reading this in some electronic format, is not a page insomuch as it does not conform to the traditional accepted concept of a page as sheet of paper be it blank, covered or partially covered with characters: characters which, put together in such a way as to be decipherable and with the ability of being translated into what lesser beings and humans are apt, oft and used to call 'language'. Elsewise it is not a page insomuch as it does not conform to the traditional accepted concept of a page as a small, disgruntled boy of around six to ten years of age, who, as western European tradition dictates, must be thrust forcibly into a pair of black velvet shorts and ruffled shirt (and here I must confess to having being influenced in my description by some particularly strong, past event data recollection processes), or other uncomfortable formal attire, who is then made to stand behind a woman he hardly knows and who appears to be dressed as a meringue whilst an old chap mumbles something about cheeses, Lord Bob and some goat with holes in it.
If this 'page' has indeed been printed out then it is no longer the page to which this essay refers and therefore must be deemed to be in fact 'another' page and therefore subject to different criteria in its interpretation.
In September 1861, following a recital of my mathematical thesis on the probability of tables ("If it's got four legs, a chair next to it and your dinner on it..."(C) Henry Flinch 1861), Coco Hellno challenged me with the statement that "no-one understands what you're on about Henry, not even a bit!" To which I replied "I do!" To which she replied "Oh yes well then except you then!" To which I replied "That's because it's Exceptual Art! ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.)"
The above paragraph complies to and contains an example of my Exceptual Art Mathematical Formula for Essay Writing ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.), in which a phrase must be repeated three times with a slight modification made to the second repeat phrase and which states that the paragraph must contain at least and no more than 5 exclamation points.
(Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) Critical Statement Points)
1. All art is stupid. (Except mine.)
2. All artists are stupid. (Except me.)
3. All art is phoney. (Except mine.)
4. All artists are phoneys (Except me.)
5. All art which people can understand is simplistic, banal, self gratifying nonsense and therefore reinforces point 1, in which I state that all art is stupid. (Except mine.)
6. All artists who produce which people can understand are simplistic, banal, self gratifying nonsense-mongers and therefore reinforce point 2, in which I state that all artists are stupid. (Except me.)
7. All art which includes lists of points and/or criteria to reinforce and explain itself automatically refers itself to points 1 and 3. (Except mine.)
8. All artists who include lists of points and/or criteria to reinforce and explain their art automatically refer themselves to points 2 and 4. (Except me.)
9. All artists who claim themselves to not be artists whilst complying with points raised and subsequently condemned through points 1 to 8, automatically comply with the relevant points from point 1 through 8 and therefore are stupid and phoney. (Except me.)
I am not an artist, I am an Exceptualist - a non-title for a being, who whilst not complying with any of the critical statement points of the Exceptual Art Critical Statement Points hereby and henceforth to be also known as 'Exceptional' as with regard and referring to the art producer who makes Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) despite being a non-artist, Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) from this point forward also to be known as "Except Art" ((C) Henry Flinch, 2006.)
I will be giving a lecture on all things Except Art at the Jimson Memorial Experimental Clog-Dance Chapel, Thursday next straight after the Whist Drive.
Some examples of Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) which highlight the fact that Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) is, to quote Kent Freeman, "Great, really great..." are listed below:
"An Essay on Exceptual Art" (Media Uncertain 2006 )
"Exceptual Art: A Truly Great Philosophy, (Foreword written in blood on hairshirt by Kent Freeman)" (Cochineal on Human Skin, 2000)
"Art: A Con or Exceptual Approach?" (Scratchcard, Nothing Else Press, 1961)
"Who Knows If I Did It" (Hyperdimentional Interlaced Invisible Molecule Pigment on H2O Vapour, 1958)
"Who Knows What I Might Do" ( , Nothing Else Press, 1957)
"This Postcard is a Waste of Time" (Postcard bought and posted in Italy, 1940)
"By the Time You've Read This it Will Already Be Too Late and I'll Have Moved On to the Next Thing" (Text on Napkin, Nothing Else Press, 1939)
"These Multiplication Tables Have No Legs - A Linguistic Dilemma" (Crayon on Jotter, Nothing Else Press, 1921)
"Essay, Essay, Essay, My Dog Has No Knows" (Incomprehensibly complicated pamphlet, Nothing Else Press, 1900)
"Y (D+d) - (TH3) + Ch1ck3N x (TH3 - R04D)?" (Densely constructed essay, Nothing Else Press, 1862)
"Henry Flinch Coins the Phrase Exceptual Art" (Event) 1862
Of course all of this is inconsequential if you happen to be a Dogon tribesman fixated on worrying small crocodiles and staring in the direction of Sirius B. Fortunately for me however this is even less like to be a truth than any of my given philosophical, hyper-thetical (tm, H. Flinch, 2005) philotheories (tm, (c), H. Flinch, 2004) and as a result you all believe every word I say/write.
Oh yes you do! The simple act of reading a collection of known 'words' in a given structural formation, insomuch as to therefore be able to be interpreted as a definite language despite grave errors in grammatical rule, reason adn slpelnig, convinces the brain to convert the symbols presented into an acceptable format, which, through the insertion of subliminal tricks such as occasional “Flinchisms” allows the English speaker to understand the words which are written before them.
The fact that the reader understands the words which are written before them automatically leads us to the conclusion that they therefore understand what is written. Theoretically this is an absolute near-truth, as if they in fact understand each and every word or at least 60% of the words written on any given page, it can be taken as read that they understand each and every word or at least 60% of the words
written on any given page. As a result, if we completely ignore fundamental grammar rules as a right wing ploy and effective method of mind control, it can be said that if at least 60% of the words of a text are understood by the reader then the text has been understood, as by its very nature a text is simply a string of words strung together and interspersed with the odd dot.
As I said in my essay "These Multiplication Tables Have No Legs - A Linguistic Dilemma (Nothing Else Press, 1939): "Lewis Carroll’s 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' only makes sense in English, and only just at that, because we recognise Alice as a female name. In Italy Alice is the name for a small fish, which could take Carroll’s story into a whole new realm. Likewise the word 'spade' in English, a shovel like tool, is the plural of sword in Italian. Thus making the simple act of turning over the topsoil in the leek trench a potential sentence carrying offence in most of the English-speaking world. Incidentally the mere thought of turning over the topsoil in the leek trench, be it with spade or swords, is found to be a totally distasteful notion in most of Italy from Rome upwards. Surely there must be an illegal Romanian immigrant who we can get to do it for us.
Remember, a pike is just a pike until you're facing a cavalry charge.
The above passage was included in this essay to demonstrate and comply to my “Hyper-Irrelevancies and Essay Text Formulation Formula ((C) Henry Flinch, 1862) in which a seemingly related passage should be constructed at random following certain threads of the argument of the part of the essay in which it is to be inserted yet without arriving at and obvious and/or logical conclusion before being concluded with a quotes which should be mildly amusing to those readers familiar with lake dwelling wildlife and the English Civil War.
I conclude with the conclusion that I invented Exceptual Art, hereby also known as Exceptional and/or Except Art. I also accept and acknowledge the fact that Mrs Coco Hellno is responsible for the ‘Con’ part of ‘Concept Art’ but I claim recognition and the right of intellectual ownership of the remainder.
I shall be giving a talk on these matters, in fact everything ‘cept Art’ at the Jean Claude Van Dam Chapel, Michael Douglas College, New Jersey, Shirt and Trousers University, NJ.
Addendum: Event In a CONcept Art Style.
Ask a friend to perform Coco Hellno’s “Oh Look a Cloud!” piece
a) tie their shoelaces together
b) write ‘Oh Cook a Cod’ in chalk on the sidewalk by the performer
c) shout “last one to the lamp-post’s a rotten egg” and run away
Henry Flinch 2006
Order of Service:
Tennis players, waiters and waitresses, a maitre d’ in full evening dress with halo and angel wings, prostitutes, rent boys and garage mechanics, engineers both mechanical and electrical and a washing machine repairman in a bandit mask line the aisle of a small local bakery and coffee shop. A fifteen year old goth girl hangs around outside.
As the audience (customers) enter the shopkeeper answers their questions with outrageously elevated prices in varying currency denominations.
An engineer stands up from behind the refrigerated counter whistles a monotone whistle and shakes his head, a substantial amount of dandruff falls onto the cream horns.
The audience are forced to sit at miniature tables in a manner in which they cannot actually move their arms.
Waitresses without notepads press the audience into making orders without being allowed to see neither menu or wares. The waitresses stare at the ceiling or mirrors behind the tables at all times.
After a suitable time, which has allowed meditation to lead to regret on the part of the audience, waiters arrive at the tables. Wearing scuffed designer shoes or filthy white sports shoes and sporting punchable expressions the waiters launch the orders in the general direction of the tables. Each order has either one item too many or one too few.
The maitre d’ floats around the space absolutely ignoring everything that is happening.
At the moment when a member of the audience stands and makes towards the toilet, prostitutes and rent boys fight to give them menus.
The mechanics, dripping engine oil squeeze onto tables with the audience and order cappuccino and petit fours over which they pour ketchup from a hidden source.
The engineers stand at the counter and make drawings on pastry cases and napkins.
Someone orders a sandwich. The tennis players move into position behind the counter and serve crusty bread rolls at impressive speeds.
As the bread breaks the goth girl enters smelling very heavily of patchouli oil.
The audience are incensed.
The maitre d’ passes amongst the audience with a collection box labelled “Service Charge Not Included”
Flux-Mess Relic #1
The receipt from the beggar who actually bought a cup of tea.
Flux-Mess Relic #2
A hair of the dog that bit Uri
Flux-Mess Relic #3
An invoice proving that a bird in the hand is if fact worth two in the bush
Flux-Mess Relic #5
A clue to the whereabouts of Flux-Mess Relic #4
Flux-Mess Relic #6
Sticks to be picked up
Flux-Mess Relic #7
A list of words which rhyme with heaven
Flux-Mess Relic #8
A machine which measures the level of pride experienced by people just before falling
Flux-Mess relic #9
Flux-Mess Relic #10
A blood orange once touched by Elvis Presley
Excerpts from “Tangerine (in the World of Pike)
Hammer with which to paint your nails.
Dip a 3lb mash hammer into nail polish. (Maybeline 'Schneemann Red' is recommended).
On waking up every morning paint your nails
Food Piece I 19:55
Have a sandwich
Drink Piece I 19:55
and a beer
Food Piece II 19:57
and some crisps
Drink Piece II 20:00 - 22:49
Drink Piece III 23:00
Two pints of Crème de Menthe, a Rum and Coke, an Archers' Peach Schnapps and Lemonade, a Baileys and a Tomato Juice.
Wonder Piece 23:20
a Tomato Juice?
Hamburger Sandwich Piece
Stand in a line for a half hour.
Place your order politely with a fat, surly teenager.
Try and explain why you don't want 'large'.
Imagine him spitting on your pickle.
Go to work.
Do your job to the best of your ability.
Come home again.
opposable thumb event
get away with murder
electric piano activities
electric piano activities
#1 a carelessly placed pint of guinness
#2 the chord of Dmaj in the lower register flips a full ashtray containing at least one lighted cigarette
#3 an unknown person hidden in a crowd throws a wet teabag
#4 a sneeze whilst eating yoghurt
#5 a cleaner discovers that "Mr. Sheen" does more than only shine umpteen things clean
#6 6 ‘A’ batteries corrode, the resulting residue fuses a spring contact to the screw of a battery case door. drips ruin a bedroom carpet.
#7 in the middle of a funeral, the 'demo' button is pressed in error
#8 someone plays chopsticks and looks smug, a friend argues that it wasn't played correctly and insists on showing the 'correct' way. before doing so the friend plays the introduction from the performer.
#9 the tremolo strings voice inspires the opening bars of 'equinoxe'. the folding stand collapses
#10 the plug is cut from the power adapter cable with a pair of white handled kitchen scissors