roob arb (Benny 'n' Janet)

FW is proud to present a new poem by 80% of our poetry collective:
Benny 'n' Janet present

ROOB ARB


roob
arband
cus
tard
womb
les
topc
at
flu
mpsm
urf
barba
papapingu
binka
flip
perskip
pygar
field
lass
ie
rin
tin
tin

cook
iemon
sterker
mitani
mal

mis
spig
gy
gonz
o

bonz
o
dog
doo
da
ba
nd

fr
edflin
sto
neand
bar
neyr
ubb
le

Weal
sodo
wedd
ings
fune
ralsand
christ
eni
ngs

callto
llfr
ee

XXX XXX XXXX XX XX

OFFICIAL! - Kent Freeman's waterfowl and turkey calls are award-winning works of art

See!


http://mdc.mo.gov/conmag/1998/08/20.htm

Kent Freeman Pd.F - The Lectures: Series One (On Sale Now!!)

Kent Freeman Pd.F - The Lectures: Series One
ON SALE NOW!!!
Contact Fluxus Waste HQ (Postal Applications Only)

An Open Letter to Fluxus Waste

Found on a Google search today:

An open letter to the remaining 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 5th generation Fluxus Wasters (I can't stand the 4th lot!)

Aiy-A
Heinrich Hendersen
Henry Flinch
Kent Freeman
Griff Hendrix
Alice N. Eggrolls
Harry Spiller
Coco Hellno
Jim Jam Spike
Bean Patties-Song
Carlie Snowmann
Len Croupier
Lalamount Jung
Elmer Millions

-My mother’s names to be added to this list

Many are called Alice, but none are now chosen.

6 January 1961

Dear Fluxus Waste,

I was a very good friend of Emile Harry. I miss him a lot. I am sorry but I will be there to help you honor and remember Emile Harry tonight.

Emile Harry 's passing marks a passing for me, too. I am unicycling away from Fluxus Waste. It is, unfortunately, necessary to announce my departure: most of you don't even know me, mind you most of you don’t know an ass from an elbow. You probably didn't even realise that I am a part of Fluxus Waste and that I operate and host a number of backstreet lock-ups that have promoted Fluxus Waste for the last ninety years, and that I also have a burger van concession and run a gentleman’s “Art” Magazine distribution service from my auntie’s bungalow. And none of you have ever acknowledged that I am, in fact, an active Fluxus Waste artiste who has pioneered new directions and forged new sensibilities in Fluxus Waste for more than 120 years now. That is why I am leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be coming back again.

Five score and twenty years ago I fell in love with Kent Freeman of Fluxus Waste and the monumental creative revolutions he initiated more than 140 years ago, when still aged only three. He changed and expanded what creativity and knowing means to me, he also had loads of good packs of Top Trumps. He changed Country & Western culture. He changed the world by intelligent use of ‘Play-Doh’ ™. You, Fluxus Wasters. ripped a new hole in the universe and then fixed it with the back pocket from those corduroy slacks you never really wear and a McEwan’s Export bar towel. And you did it with simple little ideas, games, objects, performances, and concepts and a sewing kit from the chritmas crackers. I will always admire your accomplished astonishments. What you did was so big that no historian, writer, collector, or curator has ever managed to flush it away satisfactorily.

But an equally astonishing thing has been going on in Fluxus Waste for the last one hundred and twenty years. You have been letting Fluxus Waste die.

At one time you welcomed people to Fluxus Waste, admittedly for a certain fee. You recruited people to Fluxus Waste. I know you have always been a contentious lot, but there was a time when the Fluxus Waste bathroom door was open, you invited people in, and you made it grow, OK so the court case dragged on a bit but, Boy! What a night! . You embraced a "second rate" lot of Fluxus Waste artists,. You encouraged new Fluxus Waste work and new Fluxus Waste projects. But as far as I can tell, this pretty much stopped 20 or more years ago (Freeman's Young Fluxus Waste show in 1941 is the last time any of you heckled a show of "new" Fluxus Waste artists). What happened to you?

Letting Fluxus Waste die is terrific, I place most of the blame on you (the people to whom this letter is addressed). I blame you individually and I blame you collectively. You have served Fluxus Waste poorly during these last 20 years and you are letting Fluxus Waste die. It didn't have to be this way. For the last 20 years, a fairly young, bright, and talented person has been showing up and knocking on the Fluxus Waste club house door … and almost all of you have either been too dead or locked in the bathroom again to hear them, or better still, you have continued to wring your hands over the girl responsible for deciding whether anyone should or could open the door (the issue about who has the "authourity" to welcome and declare new Fluxus Waste artists was a really great one, loads of pictures to colour in). All you really had to do was open the door and show a little something. Why has that been so hard for all of you for so long? You should only take one of those blue pills at any one time you know.

During the last 120 years many different people have been "called" to Fluxus Waste. I am one of those people. I learned about Fluxus Waste in the way that other people are struck by lightning, I had an epiphany, standing on the roof in a storm with my umbrella up…and generally felt I had found a place where we really belonged, yes the nurses in the serious burns unit were nothing compared to those on the psychiatric care ward. We had hoped to find a home in Fluxus Waste, each and every one of my personalities. And many of me just started doing and being Fluxus Waste in our own way…much like all of the original Fluxus Waste folks had their own individual understanding and gifts for Fluxus Waste cookery activities. And one way or another as we have gotten stronger in our own Fluxus Waste baking, we have stepped forward and tried to share this work with you. Needing to find someone who actually likes our boiled egg and ginger cake. We even approached you with respectfully calculated bribes. We approached you as Fluxus Waste with athreat of reporting you to the authorities. We knocked on the door and you did not answer, and we were bursting to go too! The most that some of you have been able to do for a whole new generation of Fluxus Waste artists is hand us some tedious pamphlet on Fluxus Waste so we could "loosen up," or you smiled patronizingly and encouraged us to attend your next court appearance. You didn't even seem to consider that any of these new folks could take you and Fluxus Waste some place new and exciting where it hadn't been before. I could have, I have a FIAT Multipla and a Hackney Carriage license for up to 6 passengers (plus bags). And frankly, some of these new Fluxus Waste folks have been doing more interesting work and more truly Fluxus Waste work than many of you have been doing during the last 120 years. I mean one lad even makes these nice plant-pots out of jam jars, he sticks all these limpet shells on and then varnishes them, lovely. Mind you he’s dead clever, always wins the ‘see how many different things you can fit into a matchbox competition’…

Many bright and talented people have not stayed long to knock, however. They heard the authoritative pronouncements that Fluxus Waste was "dead" or "over." This was very confusing and discouraging-many of us didn’t really know what pronouncements actually meant, so we couldn't understand how Fluxus Waste could be dead. But you didn't answer the door and many eventually walked away, I had to I dropped my car-keys down behind this lovely shell-decorated planter you had in the front garden and couldn’t get my hand down to reach them (mind you, I found a cool matchbox FULL of interesting stuff!). I have knocked longer on that bathroom door than most-for more than 120 years now since I founded Fluxus Waste Midwest in 1862. Rich Pickins and Emile Harry (and Carlie Snowmann – totally babelicious!) were the only ones to acknowledge and encourage my own Fluxus Waste work and experiments, but now Rich and now Emile are gone, I'm out in the cold, and I'm tired of knocking, I should NEVER have put my house keys on the same fob as my car-keys. So I am packing up my Fluxus Waste knapsack, and taking my ‘business’ elsewhere.

I am closing down the many backstreet lock-ups I have opened to promote and honor Fluxus Waste: The Fluxus Waste Collection Portal, the Fluxus Waste Homepage, the Emile Harry Garage, and numerous other activities hawking the Chinese, counterfeit work of many original Fluxus Waste artists. I doubt that many of you will notice. I have also walked away from WASTELIST-the pioneering Fluxus Waste email argument group that I co-founded with Rich and Kent Freeman. WASTELIST is another example of what I am moaning about. Most of you could never even work out how to subscribe. By not being competent enough to participate you have missed a wonderful chance to discover and discourage many new Fluxus Waste artists. It would have given you back more energy than it would have taken.

Almost all of you have failed to recognize three obvious things about Fluxus Waste--about the Fluxus Waste you helped create!

1. Fluxus Waste is more than Art. It's bigger than that. It’s even bigger than a blue whale.
2. Fluxus Waste can still be a vibrant and energetic force. By refusing or failing to recognize Fluxus Waste.
3. Fluxus Waste’s dad is bigger than your dad.

You all have spent so much time during the last 120 years trying to shape and tone with the Fluxus Waste “Yessirnow Tone-O-Matic”, and few, if any of you are satisfied with the results- the legs, the abs, the behinds. Instead of trying to manage Old Fluxus Waistlines you could have been leading a new group of Fluxus Waste artists to explore new Fluxus Waste aerobic performance score writing possibilities. Wouldn't it have been a lot more energizing and a lot more fun to fan new Fluxus Waste sweaty brows than struggle yourself?

I can only imagine that if Yogi FuMaciunas were alive today, anything else gives me a nosebleed.

Fluxus Waste has the potential to be a bigger, more vibrant and creative force in the world today than even the project Yogi FuMaciunas imagined. Certainly the world needs Fluxus Waste Management because of the internet. Fluxus Waste is more people than ever before-as much outside the real world as in. More people than ever before want to participate in and make their own contribution to Fluxus Waste, and you-the founders, the brave pioneers-have, really rather advisedly, turned your backs on them. And you have turned your backs on an opportunity to help Fluxus Waste continue.

I sincerely salute you,

Alice Boohuff Jpeg, DivX(6)
Social Fluxus Waste Artiste
Walsall

Fluxlist: An Essay by Henry Flinch

Fluxus Waste is happy to have joined Fluxlist

In celebration of this, our esteemed colleague, a steamed Henry Flinch has chosen to upload the following extract from his pamphlet;
"Flu X Us = As Piri + {(n + H₃C₆H₅O₇ [2-hydroxypropane-1,2,3-tricarboxylic acid] + C6H12O6 -> 2C2H5OH)}, (© H. Flinch 2008, Nothing Else Press).

Fluxlist: An Essay by Henry Flinch

As an art phenomenon Fluxlist has grown and grown in so much as it has increased the number of bytes dedicated to electronic mailing documents, HTML, HEX and ASCII code stored in theoretically ‘virtual’ space, this ‘virtual’ space relating to the fact that reference to the said Fluxlist in turn relates and yet is not actually related to the fact (as yet unproven but if one refers to my formula :

{PTF x kbcm²} : {HDs x pot + ♫}

© + ™ SN

© H. Flinch 1989

where PTF = Posts to Fluxlist, SN = Sick Notes [or spec. no. of man hours spent on PTF in the workplace : no. of hours actually spent working] )

that nobody actually knows the precise number of Hard Disks infected with PTF and therefore this unknown quantity generally remains ignored.

Fluxlist was launched in 1996 by Allen Bukoff, Ken Friedman, Dick Higgins, Joe De Marco, Jon Van Oast and a few months later Malgosia Askanas who was disappointed to have turned up so late and missed the party favours. However the aforementioned launchers of said Fluxlist had not read my essay

“Correct Waterproofing Procedures forE-Mail Discussion Groups Under Dry-Dock Conditions Do Not Actually Exist Except for in this Sentence.” ( © H. Flinch, 2000, Nothing Else Press)

After a profitable sales drive I was able to help the Fluxlist Personnel relunch and then produce a new version of Fluxlist in 1999. In 1999 Fluxlist became a repository for persons with certain tendencies for names which must surely be anagrams of much deeper signifigance: Allen Bukoff, Jeremy Bushnell, Joe De Marco, Kathy Forer, George Free, Ken Friedman, Judith Hoffberg, Ann Klefstad, Sol Nte, Jon Van Oast, Saul Ostrow and Owen Smith (Except for Owen Smith.). In January 2005 Fluxlist ceased to exist but did not actually stop continuing to function, depending on which language you read it in. Fluxlist read in French becomes Flukes Least and in Italian Flax Least, both of which it should be noted contain the word least, which is poignant in the fact that it is the least of my worries.

I have a stock-car race to picket.

Henry Flynch on this day:

Gregorian:	Thursday, 24 January 2008
Mayan:	Long count = 12.19.15.0.7; tzolkin = 5 Manik; haab = 15 Muan
French:	5 Pluviôse an 216 de la Révolution
Islamic:	15 Muharram 1429
Hebrew:	17 Shevat 5768
Julian:	11 January 2008
ISO:	Day 4 of week 4 of 2008
Persian:	4 Bahman 1386
Ethiopic:	15 Ter 2000
Coptic:	15 Tubah 1724
Chinese:	Cycle 78, year 24 (Ding-Hai), month 12 (Gui-Chou), day 17 (Gui-Hai)
Julian day:	2454490
Day of year:	Day 24 of 2008; 342 days remaining in the year
Discordian:	Prickle-Prickle, Chaos 24, Year of Our Lady of Discord 3174

Don Boyd Filled In

Welcome to Fluxus Waste Blog v2.o

Hello! We accidentally deleted the original Fluxus Waste Blog and then found that we couldn't have the same name in the URL for this one, hence the hyphen.

So we're back and you never know what may happen.....

ORIGINAL BLOG POSTS HERE (imagine an arrow pointing down to where it says 'Recent Work')
original fence posts here ( http://disused-rlys.fotopic.net/p27952810.html )

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Recent Work

I showed this readymade entitled "Fluxus Horse Shredder" at the recent Fluxus group show at Fukyamama Gallery in Tokyo. The exhibition was a tremendous success and many people were surprised to realise how truly great Fluxus is. When looking at my piece I myself was overcome with the true greatness of Fluxus and wept openly in front of a small collection of event scores.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

A message from Kent Freeman

Dear Readers,

Isn't Fluxus really great!
I mean really, really great.

In the not so distant future intend to post some articles (all (C) Kent Freeman and originally published by the Nothing Else Press as giveaways for thew Kellog Co.), including "13 FluxusWaste Ideas" and "Stuff About Just How Really Great Fluxus Is" and More Stuff ABout Just How Really Great Fluxus Is."

N.B. Every Saturday Afternoon in December, on the border of Denmark andSweden there will be a Fluxus Top Trumps competition between myself, Kent Freeman and my arch-enemy the evil Doctor Heinrich Henderson.

See you there!

Warm fishes

Kent Freeman Doc. PdF. Avi.(hons)

T.V. Putter - Putter Enflamed with Love for Chiquita at the Shrine of Tan Jereen

“T.V. Putter - Putter Enflamed with Love for Chiquita at the Shrine of Tan Jereen”
Jim Jam Spike 2026

An Essay on Exceptual Art

An Essay on Exceptual Art. Henry Flinch

This is not an essay on Exceptual Art. It is not written on a piece of Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.). This page is, if you are reading this in some electronic format, is not a page insomuch as it does not conform to the traditional accepted concept of a page as sheet of paper be it blank, covered or partially covered with characters: characters which, put together in such a way as to be decipherable and with the ability of being translated into what lesser beings and humans are apt, oft and used to call 'language'. Elsewise it is not a page insomuch as it does not conform to the traditional accepted concept of a page as a small, disgruntled boy of around six to ten years of age, who, as western European tradition dictates, must be thrust forcibly into a pair of black velvet shorts and ruffled shirt (and here I must confess to having being influenced in my description by some particularly strong, past event data recollection processes), or other uncomfortable formal attire, who is then made to stand behind a woman he hardly knows and who appears to be dressed as a meringue whilst an old chap mumbles something about cheeses, Lord Bob and some goat with holes in it.
If this 'page' has indeed been printed out then it is no longer the page to which this essay refers and therefore must be deemed to be in fact 'another' page and therefore subject to different criteria in its interpretation.
In September 1861, following a recital of my mathematical thesis on the probability of tables ("If it's got four legs, a chair next to it and your dinner on it..."(C) Henry Flinch 1861), Coco Hellno challenged me with the statement that "no-one understands what you're on about Henry, not even a bit!" To which I replied "I do!" To which she replied "Oh yes well then except you then!" To which I replied "That's because it's Exceptual Art! ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.)"
The above paragraph complies to and contains an example of my Exceptual Art Mathematical Formula for Essay Writing ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.), in which a phrase must be repeated three times with a slight modification made to the second repeat phrase and which states that the paragraph must contain at least and no more than 5 exclamation points.

In short:
(Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) Critical Statement Points)
1. All art is stupid. (Except mine.)
2. All artists are stupid. (Except me.)
3. All art is phoney. (Except mine.)
4. All artists are phoneys (Except me.)
5. All art which people can understand is simplistic, banal, self gratifying nonsense and therefore reinforces point 1, in which I state that all art is stupid. (Except mine.)
6. All artists who produce which people can understand are simplistic, banal, self gratifying nonsense-mongers and therefore reinforce point 2, in which I state that all artists are stupid. (Except me.)
7. All art which includes lists of points and/or criteria to reinforce and explain itself automatically refers itself to points 1 and 3. (Except mine.)
8. All artists who include lists of points and/or criteria to reinforce and explain their art automatically refer themselves to points 2 and 4. (Except me.)
9. All artists who claim themselves to not be artists whilst complying with points raised and subsequently condemned through points 1 to 8, automatically comply with the relevant points from point 1 through 8 and therefore are stupid and phoney. (Except me.)

I am not an artist, I am an Exceptualist - a non-title for a being, who whilst not complying with any of the critical statement points of the Exceptual Art Critical Statement Points hereby and henceforth to be also known as 'Exceptional' as with regard and referring to the art producer who makes Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) despite being a non-artist, Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) from this point forward also to be known as "Except Art" ((C) Henry Flinch, 2006.)

I will be giving a lecture on all things Except Art at the Jimson Memorial Experimental Clog-Dance Chapel, Thursday next straight after the Whist Drive.

Some examples of Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) which highlight the fact that Exceptual Art ((C) Henry Flinch, 1861.) is, to quote Kent Freeman, "Great, really great..." are listed below:

"An Essay on Exceptual Art" (Media Uncertain 2006 )
"Exceptual Art: A Truly Great Philosophy, (Foreword written in blood on hairshirt by Kent Freeman)" (Cochineal on Human Skin, 2000)
"Art: A Con or Exceptual Approach?" (Scratchcard, Nothing Else Press, 1961)
"Who Knows If I Did It" (Hyperdimentional Interlaced Invisible Molecule Pigment on H2O Vapour, 1958)
"Who Knows What I Might Do" ( , Nothing Else Press, 1957)
"This Postcard is a Waste of Time" (Postcard bought and posted in Italy, 1940)
"By the Time You've Read This it Will Already Be Too Late and I'll Have Moved On to the Next Thing" (Text on Napkin, Nothing Else Press, 1939)
"These Multiplication Tables Have No Legs - A Linguistic Dilemma" (Crayon on Jotter, Nothing Else Press, 1921)
"Essay, Essay, Essay, My Dog Has No Knows" (Incomprehensibly complicated pamphlet, Nothing Else Press, 1900)
"Y (D+d) - (TH3) + Ch1ck3N x (TH3 - R04D)?" (Densely constructed essay, Nothing Else Press, 1862)
"Henry Flinch Coins the Phrase Exceptual Art" (Event) 1862

Of course all of this is inconsequential if you happen to be a Dogon tribesman fixated on worrying small crocodiles and staring in the direction of Sirius B. Fortunately for me however this is even less like to be a truth than any of my given philosophical, hyper-thetical (tm, H. Flinch, 2005) philotheories (tm, (c), H. Flinch, 2004) and as a result you all believe every word I say/write.
Oh yes you do! The simple act of reading a collection of known 'words' in a given structural formation, insomuch as to therefore be able to be interpreted as a definite language despite grave errors in grammatical rule, reason adn slpelnig, convinces the brain to convert the symbols presented into an acceptable format, which, through the insertion of subliminal tricks such as occasional “Flinchisms” allows the English speaker to understand the words which are written before them.
The fact that the reader understands the words which are written before them automatically leads us to the conclusion that they therefore understand what is written. Theoretically this is an absolute near-truth, as if they in fact understand each and every word or at least 60% of the words written on any given page, it can be taken as read that they understand each and every word or at least 60% of the words
written on any given page. As a result, if we completely ignore fundamental grammar rules as a right wing ploy and effective method of mind control, it can be said that if at least 60% of the words of a text are understood by the reader then the text has been understood, as by its very nature a text is simply a string of words strung together and interspersed with the odd dot.

As I said in my essay "These Multiplication Tables Have No Legs - A Linguistic Dilemma (Nothing Else Press, 1939): "Lewis Carroll’s 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland' only makes sense in English, and only just at that, because we recognise Alice as a female name. In Italy Alice is the name for a small fish, which could take Carroll’s story into a whole new realm. Likewise the word 'spade' in English, a shovel like tool, is the plural of sword in Italian. Thus making the simple act of turning over the topsoil in the leek trench a potential sentence carrying offence in most of the English-speaking world. Incidentally the mere thought of turning over the topsoil in the leek trench, be it with spade or swords, is found to be a totally distasteful notion in most of Italy from Rome upwards. Surely there must be an illegal Romanian immigrant who we can get to do it for us.

Remember, a pike is just a pike until you're facing a cavalry charge.

The above passage was included in this essay to demonstrate and comply to my “Hyper-Irrelevancies and Essay Text Formulation Formula ((C) Henry Flinch, 1862) in which a seemingly related passage should be constructed at random following certain threads of the argument of the part of the essay in which it is to be inserted yet without arriving at and obvious and/or logical conclusion before being concluded with a quotes which should be mildly amusing to those readers familiar with lake dwelling wildlife and the English Civil War.

I conclude with the conclusion that I invented Exceptual Art, hereby also known as Exceptional and/or Except Art. I also accept and acknowledge the fact that Mrs Coco Hellno is responsible for the ‘Con’ part of ‘Concept Art’ but I claim recognition and the right of intellectual ownership of the remainder.
I shall be giving a talk on these matters, in fact everything ‘cept Art’ at the Jean Claude Van Dam Chapel, Michael Douglas College, New Jersey, Shirt and Trousers University, NJ.


Addendum: Event In a CONcept Art Style.

Ask a friend to perform Coco Hellno’s “Oh Look a Cloud!” piece

a) tie their shoelaces together
b) write ‘Oh Cook a Cod’ in chalk on the sidewalk by the performer
c) shout “last one to the lamp-post’s a rotten egg” and run away


Henry Flinch 2006

FLUX-MESS

FLUX-MESS
Yogi FuMaciunas

Order of Service:

Tennis players, waiters and waitresses, a maitre d’ in full evening dress with halo and angel wings, prostitutes, rent boys and garage mechanics, engineers both mechanical and electrical and a washing machine repairman in a bandit mask line the aisle of a small local bakery and coffee shop. A fifteen year old goth girl hangs around outside.

As the audience (customers) enter the shopkeeper answers their questions with outrageously elevated prices in varying currency denominations.

An engineer stands up from behind the refrigerated counter whistles a monotone whistle and shakes his head, a substantial amount of dandruff falls onto the cream horns.

The audience are forced to sit at miniature tables in a manner in which they cannot actually move their arms.

Waitresses without notepads press the audience into making orders without being allowed to see neither menu or wares. The waitresses stare at the ceiling or mirrors behind the tables at all times.

After a suitable time, which has allowed meditation to lead to regret on the part of the audience, waiters arrive at the tables. Wearing scuffed designer shoes or filthy white sports shoes and sporting punchable expressions the waiters launch the orders in the general direction of the tables. Each order has either one item too many or one too few.

The maitre d’ floats around the space absolutely ignoring everything that is happening.

At the moment when a member of the audience stands and makes towards the toilet, prostitutes and rent boys fight to give them menus.

The mechanics, dripping engine oil squeeze onto tables with the audience and order cappuccino and petit fours over which they pour ketchup from a hidden source.

The engineers stand at the counter and make drawings on pastry cases and napkins.

Someone orders a sandwich. The tennis players move into position behind the counter and serve crusty bread rolls at impressive speeds.

As the bread breaks the goth girl enters smelling very heavily of patchouli oil.

The audience are incensed.

The maitre d’ passes amongst the audience with a collection box labelled “Service Charge Not Included”





Flux-Mess Relic #1
The receipt from the beggar who actually bought a cup of tea.

Flux-Mess Relic #2
A hair of the dog that bit Uri

Flux-Mess Relic #3
An invoice proving that a bird in the hand is if fact worth two in the bush

Flux-Mess Relic #5
A clue to the whereabouts of Flux-Mess Relic #4

Flux-Mess Relic #6
Sticks to be picked up

Flux-Mess Relic #7
A list of words which rhyme with heaven

Flux-Mess Relic #8
A machine which measures the level of pride experienced by people just before falling

Flux-Mess relic #9
Cheeses

Flux-Mess Relic #10
A blood orange once touched by Elvis Presley

Excerpts from “Tangerine (in the World of Pike)

Coco Hellno – Excerpts from “Tangerine (in the World of Pike)
1950

Hammer with which to paint your nails.

Dip a 3lb mash hammer into nail polish. (Maybeline 'Schneemann Red' is recommended).
On waking up every morning paint your nails


Food Piece I 19:55
Have a sandwich


Drink Piece I 19:55
and a beer


Food Piece II 19:57
and some crisps



Drink Piece II 20:00 - 22:49
beer


Drink Piece III 23:00
Two pints of Crème de Menthe, a Rum and Coke, an Archers' Peach Schnapps and Lemonade, a Baileys and a Tomato Juice.


Wonder Piece 23:20
a Tomato Juice?


Hamburger Sandwich Piece

Stand in a line for a half hour.
Place your order politely with a fat, surly teenager.
Try and explain why you don't want 'large'.
Imagine him spitting on your pickle.


Day Piece

Go to work.
Do your job to the best of your ability.
Come home again.


opposable thumb event

get away with murder

electric piano activities

electric piano activities

philibert angle













#1 a carelessly placed pint of guinness

#2 the chord of Dmaj in the lower register flips a full ashtray containing at least one lighted cigarette

#3 an unknown person hidden in a crowd throws a wet teabag

#4 a sneeze whilst eating yoghurt

#5 a cleaner discovers that "Mr. Sheen" does more than only shine umpteen things clean

#6 6 ‘A’ batteries corrode, the resulting residue fuses a spring contact to the screw of a battery case door. drips ruin a bedroom carpet.

#7 in the middle of a funeral, the 'demo' button is pressed in error

#8 someone plays chopsticks and looks smug, a friend argues that it wasn't played correctly and insists on showing the 'correct' way. before doing so the friend plays the introduction from the performer.

#9 the tremolo strings voice inspires the opening bars of 'equinoxe'. the folding stand collapses

#10 the plug is cut from the power adapter cable with a pair of white handled kitchen scissors

posted by . at 10:37 PM 0 comments